Self care for foster moms. I’m laughing inside. I don’t know about you, but it often feels like a comical oxymoron. Of course there’s always care happening, but giving care to ourselves is often way way (way!) down on the list.
My book club read the book, Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane C. Ortlund last year. And it’s now one of my all-time favorite books. I naturally assume my perfectionist, legalistic, critical view of myself is how God sees me too. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Repent of your small thoughts of God’s heart. Repent and let him love you.
Dane Ortlund
Those words have haunted me.
I am learning there’s this beautiful correlation between seeing our Jesus as gentle and compassionate toward us and then, in turn, being kind to ourselves. It is more than okay, necessary even, to stop, to rest, to be weak—to care for myself. The more properly I see God, the more I can relax on the inside.
Mama friends, let’s practice good self care. I think taking care of ourselves honors God’s heart for us, keeping us healthy for many years of service to come. I want to be in this for the long haul.
Our natural intuition can only give us a God like us. The God revealed in the Scripture deconstructs our intuitive [biases] and startles us with one whose infinitude of perfections is matched by his infinitude of gentleness. Indeed, his perfections include his perfect gentleness. It is who he is. It is his very heart.
Dane C. Ortlund
Five ideas for simple self care:
Can we chat about therapy for a minute? There are wonderful therapies for foster and adopted children. Our kids did play therapy for many years, and I’m sure in future years we will gladly utilize whatever therapies they may need.
But what about therapy for their mom? Many years of fostering and now three years post-adoption have taken their toll on me. Some call it secondary trauma, also known as compassion fatigue or blocked care. I call it worn-out-and-needs-help mama syndrome.
Last spring I started therapy again, for the third time in my life. Therapy gives me space to talk, space to process, space to be understood, space to heal, space to be real. Sometimes I am not okay and that is okay.
Please. Mama friend, if you need help, humble yourself and get help. I’ve been there: curled up in my room, deep in a panic attack, sure that I’m going to lose it and maybe if I just start walking to somewhere far away then everyone would be better off. But they wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be better.
Everyone needs a safe space, and therapy could be that space. God has utilized therapy many times in my life to bring me through times of deep struggle to renewed hope and freedom. I strongly believe foster & adoptive moms need therapy and support just as much as their children. Let’s support ourselves like we so passionately support our children.
For help with blocked care, @melissacorkum_ and @onethankfulmom and their organization @theadoptionconnection are a wonderful resource!
Local mom friends, I have utilized the services of Care to Change a few times over the years and highly recommend!
