Last week our pastor preached on Jonah 3 & 4 (highly recommend his entire Jonah series) and all I could think about during the message was: Oh my goodness, this is exactly what us foster parents are prone to do!
Jonah 1 – God says “Go!” but Jonah runs away.
For the foster parent: God says, “Go foster a child.” We run away and make all sorts of excuses.
Jonah 2 – God sends a storm and a fish to get Jonah’s attention and to win him back.
For the foster parent: God miraculously intervenes in our lives to capture our hearts for the orphan.
Jonah 3 & 4 – God says “Go!” (go now, go urgently). Jonah goes and the entire city is saved. And he is furious with God.
For the foster parent: We go. We pursue a child(ren). But it doesn’t turn out quite as expected.
After Jonah preaches to the city, they repent! This horribly wicked city turns from their sin. “The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth” (3:5). Mercifully, God relents from sending sweeping judgement on the city. But instead of celebrating such a grand display of God’s goodness, Jonah fumes. His words reveal his true heart: “This is why I was so quick to flee . . . I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life . . .” (4:2-3). Jonah is obedient to God and knows wonderful things about God, but then proceeds to whine about the saving of an entire city. Twice God says to Jonah, “Have you any right to be angry?” (4:4, 9). And Jonah says, “I do” (4:9). Jonah struggles to surrender to the purposes of God in the world around him, revealing deep judgmentalism and hidden self-righteousness.
I think a foster parent might be able to relate to this heart-attitude a little too much sometimes. The Jonah syndrome can happen subtly. We step into foster care on behalf of a child, loving to the best of our ability and advocating on their behalf. We begin to think ourselves irreplaceable, becoming a sort-of savior for them. And their biological family? They are ignored, intentionally forgotten or perhaps secretly despised because of their treatment of these precious children and their part in all of the mess. “You can safely assume you’ve created God is your own image when it turns out God hates all the same people you do” (Anne Lamott).
We forget that God is sovereign, or rather we choose to ignore the kinds of sovereign that He is because it feels better (safer, comfortable, natural). God is sovereign in judgment–which, if we’re being honest, we wish He would bring for that bio family. But God is also sovereignly merciful–which we are thankful He gives to us but certainly do not think they deserve. To our disappointment, often times “mercy triumphs over judgement” (James 2:13). Sometimes, God chooses to extend mercy but we go the way of Jonah. Our internal whining might look something like this: This is why I didn’t want to start fostering! I knew that You are a gracious God, and I just knew you would forgive those bio parents and give them another chance! Now my heart is broken and I feel like dying inside. What about me? What about my investment in this? What about all of the terrible things they have done? Woe is me!
“. . . it is in our virtuous behavior that we are liable to the gravest sins. . . . It is in this context of being responsible, being obedient, that we most easily substitute our will for God’s will, because it is so easy to suppose they are identical . . .” Eugene Peterson
The Jonah syndrome means that we no longer see the humanness of the Ninevites–those other from us. We forget that, if not for the grace of God, we would be just like them. Without the grace of God, we would/could be just like the biological family of our foster children. Our foster parent platform becomes a pedestal for cynicism and self-righteousness, looking down instead of looking eye-to-eye. Sure, we might be really good people doing good work, but we lose sight of the grace that covers us and keeps us and sustains us. When the Sovereign God gives them mercy and compassion, then our Jonah-like-heart is revealed: “But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry” (4:1).
The book of Jonah closes with a haunting question from God: “Should I not be concerned . . .?” (4:11). Then there is silence. Jonah doesn’t respond.
