OH HE IS GENEROUS

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Thank you, thank you for the wonderful response to my last blog post: Would You Answer the Phone? Sometimes we just have something deep in our soul that must be shared and it flies out of our fingers and we hit “publish” in a hurry and then it amazingly resonates with a whole lot of people. So, thank you for sharing the post. Thank you for not being afraid to read something hard and to let your heart be tugged on a bit (or a lot).

Perhaps that last post made you start wondering about your part in the sad state of things . . . but I know very well (believe me!) the what-ifs and not-fairs that clamor loudly, often times drowning out the whisper of Jesus’ call.

Just being honest: sometimes I do feel like life is unfair to me. “Woe is me…I have such a hard life with five preschoolers.” And, honestly, sometimes resentment rises up. It feels like everything would be so much easier if Bryce and I hadn’t taken this path. I could enjoy the older boys more….I could have another baby….I could visit my parents more….Bryce and I could get away….let’s be honest (and this is probably the deepest reason), I would have more time for me. Behaviors frustrate me. Sometimes I feel little love or compassion or sympathy. But then I hate myself for feeling this way and frustration and anger overflows.

Then this story from Jesus jumps right into my soul with deep conviction:

the parable of the workers of the vineyard

the master gives some who work all day a denarius for their wage.

and then he gives others who came late in the day the same wage.

the workers who put in more hours started to grumble.

But the master answered one of them,

“Friend, I am not being unfair to you.

Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius?

Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money?

Or are you envious because I am generous?”

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.

Matthew 20 (some paraphrase from me)

I sense Jesus saying to me:

I am not being “unfair” to you. Stop grumbling. Stop thinking only about your own life. Didn’t you agree to love and to follow Me on My terms? For the sake of the Gospel? And now when I am giving you the opportunity to love these children, you resent them and refuse to surrender.

Don’t I have the right to do what I want with My Own resources (i.e. you)? Don’t I have the right to take care of My daughters and son, “disrupting” your little family in the process? Or are you envious because I am generous with them? Do you resent Me for asking this story of you on behalf of these children? STOP.

Don’t you remember that My Kingdom is an upside-down one? Those who are first will be last, the least will be first. The orphan will be called “son & daughter” and will be given a family, a complete inheritance. This is my hope for them. I love them as much as I love your biological boys. And I have brought them to your family to be loved and cherished. Your task is to surrender and to be content. Content just to walk in amazement of and joy in My generosity. To allow Me to enable you to do it even though it is not natural–this is supernatural, Gospel, Kingdom, redemptive work.