The Jana who started fostering over a decade ago was so scared of birth family; my focus was definitely on saving children. How far I’ve come. How much I’ve learned. Now? If only we could help save a family.
Our current little guy has been with us for almost two years and I have been in the same room (physically or on a video call) with his parents dozens of times. They attend every medical appointment (and we have had a lot!) and every monthly team meeting. So much time and opportunity to practice compassion and empathy.
I remember one team meeting via video call where mom spent the entire meeting blaming me for something that felt inconsequential but also very hurtful. Thank goodness for a “video off” button—I just took my face out of the meeting! The team did come to my defense while I practiced biting my tongue and praying for help to turn my heart toward her in love. It’s so important to remember that our children’s birth families have their own history of trauma, their own difficult stories, their own heartache.
A couple of days ago my children and I were talking about how we will harvest what we plant: in relationships, in our mind, in our character. It has taken two years and finally our sowing in patience and pursuing love are reaping a relationship. Baby steps but I’m grateful for each point of connection.
A man reaps what he sows. . . . Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:7-9
Practical ways to connect with birth families of a current placement:
- text regularly via a Google number
- remember important dates with gifts or mementos
- attend every team meeting that you can
- print out & send pictures of their child to visits
- be intentional about calling them Mom and Dad in their presence
- send the child to visits in clothes that parents provided
- always talk respectfully of them to the other providers, and treat them respectfully at doctor appointments together
